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(602) 357-8606(espanol)

Advice For Parents And What They Should Do

(The content below was transcribed from an interview done with Acacia Law. We think you'll find it much easier
and more enjoyable to read this way.)

Interviewer: Is there any advice for parents, what they could do better or differently? What happens if you threaten to call the police because a 25 year old is dating your 15 year old?

Acacia Law: That's an example for me that is kind of a no-brainer. If my daughter is 15 and a 25 year old is dating her, I'm calling the police.

Interviewer: Understood!

Acacia Law: That person has no business dating a freshman or sophomore in high school. The level of maturity and experience, in my opinion, at that point, I'm calling the police myself if that was my daughter. If, for example, my daughter was 17 and the man she was dating was, say, 19 or 20, I probably wouldn't call the police. I might contact his parents if he lives with them. I might contact him personally and advise him that he does not have my permission to date my daughter under those circumstances. Again, it's a question of discretion, and so my advice is to use your common sense. If the 25 year old is trying to date your 15 year old, call the police.

Interviewer: Right.

Acacia Law: If a 19 year old guy is trying to date your 17 year old daughter, maybe just have a talk with them. Save them both a lot of trouble. Not only that but what happens is that, I've seen this a million times, what happens is that, in a situation like that, the 17 year old will dig in their heels, okay?

Interviewer: Yes.

Acacia Law: And they will not only not respond but they will completely go over and do whatever it is contradictory to what their parents want or intend. So, again, it's a question of common sense and some restraint. Parents have to keep in mind and understand that their children, once they reach 16 or above, are basically almost adults and so you'd better start giving them some latitude, otherwise it's going to backfire on you.

Interviewer: It kind of makes my next question unnecessary but I’ll ask it all the same. Can the parents be liable if they threaten the adult not to speak to their daughter? Let's say she is 17.

Acacia Law: That's a good question. It's kind of a discretionary call again. It depends on the level of threat. If you use a threat of force, in fact, I've had detectives listen to telephone calls with me when I've tried to have my clients protected from another individual. If you're telling them you have a gun, you've now raised the stakes. You've now kind of put yourself in the position of-

-it's going to depend on the particular officer maybe, whether they think you were serious about the threat, or whether a reasonable person would think you were serious about the threat. But you’re really, really pushing the line when you start to threaten anyone, okay? For whatever reason, once you institute a game of threat, you're running into really grey areas, and a lot of parents, I think, think that they have a right to threaten to beat someone half to death or break their arms and that is somehow okay because they feel that their daughter needs to be protected by terrifying someone through serious physical injury or death. But that doesn't fly.

Interviewer: What if they say, yeah, that doesn't fly, but what if they say, "If you ever speak to my daughter again or contact her, I'm calling the police and reporting you for..."

Acacia Law: That's fine, that's totally fine.

Interviewer: Okay.

Acacia Law: Oh absolutely, in fact, that's probably the most practical way to handle it. If you have a close situation, again, you don't approve of the situation, and you know it's against the law. And you can always consult, too, with an attorney to find out exactly what the law is. Once you give them the ages of the individuals and the extent of their relationship, they can tell you what the law is and how the law plays out.

I can tell somebody what class felony it is or whether there is a defense to it. But assuming that the person has technically committed a crime in that regard, there is nothing wrong in saying, "If you continue to see my daughter," for example, "I will continue to surveil [SP] your relationship. If I discover that you, in fact, are having encounters in the future, I will contact the police and have you prosecuted". In that situation, you are not threatening somebody. What you are doing in that situation is you are advising the person that you will exercise your legal rights as a parent. That's not a threat. But like I said, if you tell them, "If you see my daughter again, I'm going to bash your head in with a shovel." That's not your legal right. You may feel like you have that right. You may want to do that to the person, but you can't.

Interviewer: Some good ground rules. Anything else you want to add?

Acacia Law: I wanted to add one thing- and to conclude this-, just for people that are utilizing the Internet in particular. Just operate under the assumption that everything that you are typing out there or posting out there is a matter of public record.

Interviewer: Gotcha.

Acacia Law: And so, if you're not law abiding on the Internet, you are bound to run into trouble. Too many people assume that because they are in a public arena that they can do things that they wouldn't ordinarily be able to do were they just identified as an individual. It's a terrible mistake and again, I have handled so many computer crimes cases. It's unreal the amount that come through the door. We have developed an expertise in that over ten years ago. We were one of the first firms to actually really assess and analyze the various defenses. So, that's what I'd like to say in conclusion.